For The Benifit Of Mr. Kite

a change of seasons, a change of weather, a change of mood.

 recently i have been feeling detatchment from society. I’m feeling the need to assimilate back into the norm. I must say I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve always felt my place in the world in a crowd full of people reluctantly listening to my sensless gobble-di-goop (rubbish) that more than often escapes my mouth. but it seems that i am too removed from what can only be described as civil. I mutter to mysef, read aloud to myself when i feel lonley and process thoughts in a manner so jumbled so ridiculous that when it al does comes out, one can only assume my mental retardation.

It’s funny though, because i do have friends and interact with humans. infact i used to consider myself quite a people person, one who can make friends and conversations easily. someone said to me today that me being so detatched from everyone else makes me so likable, so tolerable.

i’m just glad i passed all my exams!

thoughts once again on an endless ramble

love anushka xoxo 

For No One

“Is it my soul that calls my name?”-Willy Wonka

Much time has passed since i last botherd to even check the happenings of wordpress, infact much time has passed since i have done much at all. When i first signed up for a blog, i knew deep down inside i wouldn’t be able to commit to it. it would sit there like a weedy garden, yearning to be attended to.  it would fall into the ‘depths of despair’ and become the kid whose parents didn’t come to pick them up after school.

well kiddo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I’m sorry I didn’t ever write. I’m sorry I’m losing touch. I’m sorry I ever said anything bad about him. I’m sorry  he had to go. I’m sorry that all those years ago I didn’t once mention how much he meant to me. I’m sorry if I ever hurt him or made him cry. I’m sorry that I never showed up at the movies. I’m sorry I disapointed him so much. I’m sorry I could never match the kindess he showed to me.  I’m sorry for alot of things but I’m glad I had him in my life.

I MISS YOU MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY.

ANDY YOUR A STAR!

-Anushka

what’s there to say. i screwed up. i screwed up real bad. my best friend, one of the rare half decent people on planet earth, one of two people i could trust my life with. THE only friend that has ever given me a valuable piece of their wardrobe travelled half way around the world and i only saw them once. now it’s not his fault..god no. it was me. i am a useless friand that doesn’t deserve to have people like him in my life. even my mum had a go saying that if her best friend travelled all that way she would see them everyday even if she had no legs and lost her wheelchair andd had to drag herself (not really, slightly exaturated) the point is it’s all my fault and i feel like shit because of it. to add to my low credibility i was sick and was throwing up like nothing you’ve ever seen befrore. but that’s besides the point, it was my side of the deal to go visit him and i feel so greatly lost without a wall like him to lean against (pun inteanded).

So Andy if you’re out there reading this wondering if you should ever speak to me again, please accept my deepest most heartfelt apology.

luv anushka xoxo

(sniff sniff)

Motherly love

It is not very often that i come accross thoughts of mine that make sense to other people as well as myself. My head is place of ingenious activities and complicated processes, however whenever things leave my head it comes out as a pile of junk to my peers (excluding my closest friends, they’ve learnt to ignore it).

i am currently reading a book called “the memory keepers daughter”, the srcipt is so beuatifuly sculptured that the images are projected into my minds eye at such extemes that i feel the pain the sorrow so elegently described. this book however has allowed me to see thing in a different light, percieve the world at a different angle and yet acknowlage the many other angles of the universe. i am fully aware of the life that surrounds me but when i observe life itself it is too greater thing to see from my point of view. iam too little an object to have an opinion on such a scale.

there’s something about life that just makes you want to live, just to see where it will take you. the beauty of life begins from a mothers love, from her excutiating hours of pain during labour and her enourmous amounts of sacrifice for life, a new life, a baby.

thoughts are once again on a ramble

luv anushka xoxoxo

The beautiful hat for the beautiful game…

over the past few months i have come to realise that many of my fellow students and friends are very much bored by the wonderful sport of cricket. now not only is this sport THE most entertaining game to watch and play but it also the ONLY sport i follow. anyway the point of this story stems from todays exciting acitvities.

today i purchased the most amazing hat. it is green and yellow and artisticly shaped like a sombrero. its one of those hats that you’d wear to the cricket and only the cricket. so i bought it in the hope that one day i will be able to watch my hero- Mike Hussey bat against some world famous bowlers. Well, it seemed perfectly normal in my head so out came the card and the hat was mine. My little shopping companion, Ashleigh , however decided it was the most ridiculous piece of junk that i had ever bought (including the $5  T.V i picked up from the markets). and i gotta say it hurt. you cut me real deep ash, you cut me real deep. at least she called me back and apologised and admitted it was the best hat she had ever seen in her ENTIRE life and she just said those things because she was jealous that i found such a cool hat that she would never be cool enough to wear (in a high-pitched whining voice)*

At least she didn’t discriminate against my hero…Hussey…..he’s such a legend. i don’t understand why people think he is even slightly unattractive….(have i said too much?)

oh well, the hat is still here on my desk, waiting to be used for the most beautiful game of them all……cricket!

luv Anushka xoxoxo (and the hat)

*slight alterations have been made to the conversation (only slight)  

did this poem in Yr 8, i think its amusing as i ties into the whole wierd-feeling moment of my last blog…

Today i experienced

the wierdest feelings,

I felt like a potato  

in a pile of its peelings.

This feeling is making

my knee’s turn weak,

It makes me feel like

your left bum cheek.

This feeling is

giving me inspiration,

But draining away

my motivation.

I’m feeling the feeling

freak me out,

I’m finding this feeling

makes me shout.

There is something

queer about this feeling,

something like droping

the cards when you’re dealing.

Am I scared?

Am I sad?

Could this feeling,

mean something bad?

This feeling took me by suprise,

it shook the pupils in my eyes.

I’ll sleep of this feeling for a nother day, but in just one day, it’ll all be ok. 

……yer the poem kinda sucks now that i read it….

luv anushka xoxo

just one more day…

i don’t know what it is, i don’t why it is but whenever i’m feeling just that slightest bit out of ordinary socks i tell myself “just one more day”. till what i don’t know but i just know it’s one more day  and i keep telling myself that til alas i no longer feel an emptiness or sadness and go about my bit in the world.

Today however is one of those days when i feel “just one more day”….. i feel as if my life is a big countdown to a suprise that never comes. a book with an enourmous introduction but not enough space for the climax. a midday movie with bad ratings from the west magazine editor. my life is merry-go-round for little kids but instead fat old people sit on it and the horses dont ride straight no-more. sigh….what more is there to say?

sadness is a draining feeling, but anticipating it is worse. knowing i will cry. knowing i will feel empty and knowing i can’t do much about it has just about eaten much of my insides. how to describe this feeling i do not know. sleep is my only remedy for now.

so as i sit here, on this squeaking chair, in this dark room, with nothing but a glowing computer screen in front of me , knowing this is terribly bad for my eyes, i gaze out into the dark night and hope for a better tommorrow, because tommorrow is just one more day away… 

love anushka xoxox

it’s a time honored tradition…….

i personally love christmas, love the atmosphere, the decorations, the young families and the fat women in red-suits trying to pass off as santa. however we have this tradition in our family where some-one who is very dear to us and we care about greaty passes away. now its not a sacrifical culture its just mere co-incidence over the past decade. a couple of years ago it was my uncle, then my grandad, then came the tsunami and my dad’s relatives were gone. This year however, the reaper struck early, perhaps he read his calender wrong or maybe he just couldn’t wait, whatever the scenario, another member of our household social circle has been erased for good. one of my mothers closest friends ( and she doesnt have many of them……left) duaghter just died. she was on her way home from her yr 12 ball when smash! a semi trailer rammed the front of her car. perhaps my emotions are a little stiff because i didn’t know the girl but i can garentee my mums doing more than her share of mourning.

my house has gone quite and mum takes her emotions out on the dough she is kneading, dad isnt home and my brother is at work. an eerie bubble has formed over our house so that all you can here are the galahs in the trees outside sqwaking into the evening.

hoping i dont sound like my over-emotional friend

this is anushka signing of another post.

xoxo 

i feel like chicken tonight…..

So perhaps it is just me that has weird day dreams but i find them all very amusing…..

yesterday is food and fashion i said (for no intended reason mind you) i ate three chickens…….they were hmmmm teriaki.

and then on the walk home from school i had this day dream that there was this farmer who had this chicken, and every day he would splash a little teriaki sauce on his pet chicken……….

okay……so maybe it is just me……

alone in my corner

luv anushka xoxoxo

Dear blogging buddies,

today has indeed been yet another painful one.test after test, assignment after assignment and chapter after chapter. where does it all end? i ask you.  i am eagerly awaiting the coming holidays, to escape the trauma of homework and the constant nagging of teachers only to come back next to a slightly more stressful year 11! but alas, my S&E teacher thought it would be funny to photocopy us a chapter (literaly) out of the history book as homework to be handed in next year. ok, the man’s not that bad, my favourite teacher in fact.

 just a note to whoever’s intrested: i read in a magazine that bloggers are all self-loving people! i say….the person who came up with that stupid statistic has no-life and should find better things the make social observations on like Bert Newtons head. ( it is the wierdest head shape EVER!!)

well, there you have it a my daily update on my super exciting life…..

this is anushka signing of from another post

xoxoxo